BDSM stands for; bondage/discipline, Dominance/submission and sadism/masochism
I am going to learn how to make a cool braid in my hair.
I can beat cancer. I can endure more pain than any of the people I sorrowed myself with.
But I couldn’t get through architecture school.
I hear what they say. I see the looks they give me and each other when I do/say something. I’m not anybody to them but a fuck up- the kid thats barely scrapping along because of favors and sweet talking. And the worst part is that I don’t care, and I’m proving them right. whether its a “if Lemma knows how to do it I will?” or a “you’re never going to actually get that done you know.” the statements drip with malice and assured belittlement, even from my closest friends. I see it in their eyes when they look at me or in the little chuckle they give when I state what I believe my future holds. And here I am, up for perhaps the fourth day in a row, trying my absolute damnedest and still at square one.
Something must be wrong.
Nobody studies for 2 days straight and still fails a test.
Nobody spends two weeks on one drawing and still has it look like shit.
Nobody deprives themselves of normal human activities in the name of creation and still has nothing to show for it.
So I must be doing something wrong.
Perhaps this is some sort of punishment for talking shit behind a couple peoples backs? (Mental note, STOP DOING THAT).
I’ll probably delete this in a bit, because no matter what I wrote or how true it is, I’m not going to stop trying. I’ve been to the edge to death and back for a reason, I’m still here despite the odds for a God damned reason. I’m meant to do something big, and I refuse to allow myself, or a bunch of idiots to hold me back. To autocad for the 60th hour in a row it is.